Brandy and Pucks
by Kadmus Greningen
Of course there are rumors.
I could not report all of them, as my ration of ink is limited, but rest assured they will all be printed somewhere in this newsprint-happy city.
My job is to consider the most likely, if there is such a thing.
The police have released, officially, that someone has reported a sighting of Upright Bears in the disappeared Sherman Reinhardt's neighborhood in Rirlver, somewhere around 3 AM the morning of his disappearance.
What Upright Bears were doing in Rirlver at 3 AM is also an unknown, since Upright Bears, who hail from that nearly mythical southern land of Lower Bearland and who either must be Bearish diplomats or spies or both, tend not to stray far from their diplomatic neighborhood, Antopf, in the center of Te Staff.
There was no diplomatic automobile, however, which is the Bears' preferred mode of transportation. They are very grand for riding around in horseless carriages, which makes them both less a spectacle (we understand their reticence to walk in crowds) and superior technologically.
If the Bears were mixed up in the Reinhardt affair, they would not want a car, because of course the car has a number, and there are only 17 diplomatic cars registered to the Bearish embassy in Te Staff, and someone would have remembered.
But they could also have just been revelers, for it is famous in Borschland that it is impossible to make a Bear go home until the wee hours, since it takes that long for him to realize he has drunk too much.
Thus the saying, "Three bears, 24 bottles."
Sherman Reinhardt had been seen more than once at the Bearish embassy. The most recent affair was the observance of the 79th anniversary of the Independence from Britain, where there was much dancing, Rachael Martijnz (also still disappeared) was present, and the fast-skating Amerikansche center met and befriended the Consul General, Lawrence Brumebakerbear.
Some folk say that when you have danced with Upright Bears, there is no going back to human society.
But there are other rumors, including the everpresent United Borschland Movement one, which says that we will see Sherman Reinhardt again after the last puck has dropped and the last tick has gone off the last clock of the season. After, in other words, Matexipar has won the championship.
Also consider that radical Loflinlanders may be involved. They are few but troublesome.
And there is Miss Martijnz, who may have met some wandering Danner and gone to his ski chalet to emerge several weeks later a married woman. The Dann are very charming, although they are not known for their loyalty. The government of Dann has pledged as they can a nationwide search, but that country is so unpeopled and so large that this might take some time.
All of which is to say, dear Reader, that this scribbler has nothing of weight for you yet. Speculate away, and may the Spirit of the Swan be with Sherman Reinhardt.
